Love Thyself

Spring has sprung! 

I've dedicated my spring break the past week into experimenting with different methods of self care and I wanted to first predicate this with my reasons in doing so. I've always struggled with worry. I remember as a little kid constantly worrying about my family every time they stepped out the front door. If my dad was ever one minute late, I would constantly ask my mom if he's okay. This was pre-cell phone days so I didn't have the luxury to text him whenever I wanted to relieve some of my worries. Although that would have been just a temporary fix. To have complete freedom, I knew that I had to fix the fact that I worried so much about the little things.

I don't know what the main cause of this was because in all honesty it could be the result from a lot of things. For one, as the oldest child, I always saw myself as the third caretaker for my family. Even as a young child, my parents' cultural familial piety values were steeped into my brain and I saw myself as a caretaker for my family. I carried this burden to an extreme extent for a long time. I would even say I still do because I find my cultural values as an essential part of my identity. But there was something else that somehow exaggerated my values into creating it as a constant stressor into my life. Maybe it was because of my insecurities about my social life. Maybe it was the struggle I faced with my dual cultural identity. Maybe it was because I had the tendency to be a perfectionist. Whatever the case may be, I have never really known a life without my thoughts and emotions being tangled up with worries and stress in same fashion. 

Treating myself to sweets 

It's been a tough three years and while I was trying to survive through it all, I think my stress was getting exacerbated. I thought devoting to pursuing my dreams and getting a change of scenery would do wonders for me and it did for a little but it only masked it. Recently, another stressor came into my life and unexpectedly I reached new heights of worry and stress that I never felt before. 

I took this as a wake up call because I realized that it started to affect my ability to work and focus. Before, I was always about to put up with it and learned how to deal with it as an every day thing. I realized throughout my recent experience that I have been just surviving and there is a world in which I can live in that can be completely stress free. So I decided to set a goal, do one small thing just for me each and every day this week. 

Black Panther was EPIC

The first couple of days, I spent just hanging out with myself. I highly recommend taking yourself out for a fun day, even if you're in a relationship. Singles and dating individuals all deserve some quiet me time and that's just a fact of life. As an introvert, I value the time that I get to re-energize from a week of socializing and interacting with people but I truly believe that everyone can benefit from quiet moments to recenter and focus on things that are unrelated to work or school. I did various things that are more low-key and did not require much thinking or planning. I window shopped, took a walk in my neighborhood, watched a movie in theaters, cleaned the apartment, played with my dog, exercised, and got a haircut. All of these activities I did in the first two days because I knew that I needed a break from life given the fact that I just ended a long week of work and school. Also, all of these activities required little thinking which allowed your brain to take a break but I also did things that I knew bring joy to my life. I remember the most remarkable thing that I found was that I was genuinely smiling for the first time in months. It was such a great feeling after the months of feeling stress all the time. 

Dressing Room fun 

As I started to do homework and go to class during the week, I knew I wanted to bring it back to a more reasonable amount. So I set out in trying to complete an activity once a day. I challenged myself to also do something new from the days before so that I can see which activity gave me the most joy or break from my everyday stress. These things included journaling, artsy stuff, reading for pleasure, socializing, baths/face masks, and video games. I've also included some more social things, some were for class and some were for pleasure, as a good balance. I realized that during the social moments of meeting new people I felt the most at ease. I was pretty surprised at that because I usually found the thought of meeting many new people as a daunting task. But during those moments I realized that I was focused on my conversations and this helped me take my mind on the things that usually stressed me out. 

As my week of experimentation with self care comes to close, I found a few key things that helped me the most in my activities that I wanted to share. 

1. Be in the moment. Try to focus on conversations with people, focus on the task at hand, and not allow your attention to be divided. Double tasking with using your phone during these tasks or even listening to music can cause your brain to go into overdrive. Studies show that our brains can only truly focus on one thing at a time and so when you try to do two things, it causes your stress to increase because you're not at ease when you're trying to pay attention to multiple things at a time. 
2. Take a break. Try to give yourself a break every once in awhile. When I find myself getting stressed out, it helped just stopping whatever I was doing and taking a deep breath. Closing your eyes helps too and when you find and feel your breath you can feel the stress ooze out of your body. Also studies show that our brains can only truly concentrate on an activity for 20 minutes so taking short breaks in between and then devoting full attention to whatever your task is for 20 minutes is a good and productive way to stay on task without feeling overwhelmed. 
3. Try new things but also do things you like. Finding balance is key for a lot of things but it worked especially well for me this week. New things changes your pace and allows your to discover. That's why people love vacationing for not only the change of environment but also the possibilities of doing new things. However we also need to do things that we know we like, hobbies for example. When we consistently do something that we know brings us joy, it can create a sense of stability and also progress. Hobbies are great ways to build a skill that is outside your daily grind and it makes you feel a more rounded person. It also gives your brain a break from the constant things that you normally do on a daily basis and that's why people find hobbies so fulfilling. I've been discovering and mastering hobbies simultaneously and I'm finding merit in doing both.

While I learned a few things, I am completely new at this. I didn't realize until this week at how horrible I was at giving myself breaks. I thought that the only time I can feel relaxed was during vacations. I was literally the living embodiment of work hard, play hard. I found that I was pleasantly wrong about that assumption. After this week of consistently being intentional, I found myself much more relaxed and better at taking the twists and turns that life inevitably throws at me once in awhile. I was amazed at how effective it was to set aside time to recenter myself. I got left feeling more sane and more myself. I learned more than ever that self-care is so important because life lends itself in drain ourselves into things that we usually prioritize before our own well-being. 

The reality is if we continue to put others or things first, then we become less able to complete the tasks in the manner in which we would like to. I believe that self care can affect others around us by allowing us to exude more positive vibes towards anyone we come into contact with but most importantly it effects us in a positive way. So I'm happy to say that this week of experimenting with self-care was a success and I will continue this good habit from now on. I think it's far too important to let it get cast away by life's busyness. I hope that this post and my updates have inspired some to start self care practices in their own lives. If you would like more information and advice, I've been following Shine Texts and they posted an article about self care just last week. If you would like a daily inspirational self-care article, think about signing up for Shine here. Feel free to share your experiences as well! The purpose of this blog is to share my own experiences but I encourage others to share theirs so that we can keep each other inspired. 

"Love yourself first, and everything else falls in line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world." Lucille Ball